More Quizzing!

I love the PS2 game Kingdom Hearts!


(0x8ab1098)

"Which Kingdom Hearts Character Are You?"
brought to you by

Quiz Happy!

So I found Quizilla and It's a lot of fun! Here are some of the quizzes I took and my results:


You're like a fairy. Fairies were the little pixies
that usually lived in the forest with wings
like butterflies and perfect little faces.
they had brown or blonde hair and pale skin
with freckles. They were entergetic, joyful,
playful, very smart, and peaceful. Fairies are
deffinately the most famous of all fantasy
creatures. (If you cannot see the picture, go
to my userpage and look near the bottom. There
should be the picture and description for all
the results)

What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by

You are the Star card. The Star is the light of
hope. Shining in the night, sending light into
darkness, the stars provide direction to
sailors and are a field on which to dream.
Humanity used to look up at the sky and desire
to be there, to find out what it all meant, and
now we have been a distance into space and have
elementary ideas of the makeup of all the
different stars. This kind of achievement adds
further fuel to our hopes. The eternal,
slow-moving stars that will be long shining
past the end of our own existence provide hope
of immortality, and the vast space they suggest
and the very mystery they hold provide us with
excitement and knowledge yet to be discovered.
Image from: Danielle Sylvie Taylor
http://members.limitless.org/~morpheum/gallery.html

Which Tarot Card Are You?

The Road to Healing

The Energy of the Universe is immense and powerful. We are all connected to it. It is our soul, our Human Spirit. If we ignore this life force, we ignore ourselves, our own inner power. We neglect to maintain balance and harmony within ourselves and our day-to-day lives. I knew I needed balance. For a while now, I've been feeling physically, mentally and emotionally off-kilter.
So I decided, with Mathew's gentle persuasion, to see a Reiki Healer. Just so you understand, Reiki Healing is not physical healing, like "Billy broke his arm, I'm taking him to a healer." Reiki is refreshing and balancing of the energy that flows through us. We absorb energy from all around us, good and bad. We harbor them in our body, until they manifest physically and mentally as different ailments. After a couple of truly draining months, I'd had enough of how I was feeling. Reiki helps one to identify our problems spiritually, so we can learn how to improve our spirit, and thus, our life. I've been toying with the idea of going to Reiki sessions for some time. I know those who both teach and practice, as well as those who see healers themselves. So I bit the bullet and went.
Linda is amazing. She works out of her home in a quiet spot in the North End of N.B. I could sense everything she was doing. And, without having any background info, was able to pinpoint all the feelings I am experiencing and where I was blocking my energy. I left feeling so even-keeled, so refreshed, it was unbelievable. I do believe, though, that my road to healing has just begun. With guidance, I'll be able to refresh my life completely. That positive outlook and personal vibrance will come back to stay, I'm sure. It just takes time.

One foot in front of the other, one day at a time.

You inspire me, my autumn sprite.

Mathew, I know this is one of your favorites:

"Amphibious" 11/13/03 by Brianne Alves

Out of the depths
it comes
boiling
hot and heavy:
Oneness
with you,
my inspiration
to a higher power
greater than
this
humanity--
the body
mine so desires
to truly understand
mortality...
Souls connected
to reconnect with
God
the vast expanse
of energy
that drew us
in together
on waves
of intuition
left a wake:
Karma.
So we swim
in emotion--
the swells
and crests
never before
reached the shore
my heart aches
for all things
you, natural
organic
you grow from
seed
to flower
a garden
Eden: your soul
my Paradise
to dance within
forevermore.

T minus 14 hours...

...Till Mathew steps off that plane and into my arms for four days.

Yesterday Janelle and I went to a friend's "personal home accessories" party. *wink* Needless to say I dropped some coin on a couple items that will most definitely spice up my life, as well as his. Now, like I've said before, I was never a big fan of "accessories." But, there's a first time for everything, right? So here goes nothing!
I'm just attempting to make my room a lil' bit less of a chaotic heap of personal belongings, right now. I haven't even used my closet yet, and I've been here a month and a half! I know I'll feel better once it's all done, and Mathew and I have a cleaner, roomier place to sleep this weekend.
I am so incredibly excited that there is merely a half-day till he's here.
Back to the mess, I go...

In the words of Ringo Starr...

"I get by with a little help from my friends."

Janelle has most definitely been my saving grace as of late. My best friend and roommate, has totally been my support, financially as well as morally, through this whole jobless situation. As I begin the hunt for primary income (I teach private music lessons, but it is not yet enough to support the budget alone), she has been covering my figurative behind, and continued to motivate me and give me hope that all will work it's way out. I must say that this is all quite humbling for the independent, "wannabe provider" spirit of this Aries.
Steinbeck reminded the American people about "the best-laid plans of mice and men", yet I still let my guard down to the meandering ways of the Universe. Christians, as well as other monotheists, have used the phrase "Let go, and let God." Whether you look at God as an omnipotent being, or as a vast organic energy that makes up our universe, we all must come to understand that as miniscule beings (in comparison to the whole) there is something greater than us that will ultimately direct us on a particular path. Call it God's Plan, call it Karma, call it Fate. The point is that, as much as we try, ultimately we don't control our lives. We can control our immediate environment to prevent/propagate certain immediate occurrences. But, there is much that all the planning and control of which we are capable cannot change.
What I can change (or at least try to) today is my lack of income. What I can change today is my feelings of inadequacy and failure. What I can change today is my downward slide back into depression and consequent laziness, by holding onto the hope that I am destined for something better, and it will come to me on its own time. I need to trust my intuition, and not my heart, for emotions can cloud everything. I need to trust that the bills will get paid somehow, and I will not find the situation more dismal than it already is.
If it weren't for Janelle and my boyfriend Mathew, I would be lost in my head, full of worry. They remind me each day that everything happens for a divine purpose, and worrying does nothing but hurt me. I am increasingly grateful, my ego much more humbled, everyday as I learn the ongoing lessons of trust and unconditional love. Now, it's just a matter of letting go of my needless hang-ups.

Playing Bored-Games

The best game I've ever considered worthy of wasting large amounts of my time on is Tri-Peaks Solitaire. They have it all over the place online (the best one is at POGO.com), and on those nifty game things you find at bars. I wish I could have all the money back that I've pumped into the ones at the bar, because I'm pretty sure I could make my car payment with it. Anywho, speaking of killing time, here's some links you might want to check out:

www.subnoodle.com: A couple of guys I went to high school with, who are very talented in the humor and artistic departments have coined the phrase "info-tainment." It's good, not to mention frikkin' hilarious, stuff.

www.mindsetband.net: My brother Dave's band. Good ol' grungy rock with an emo-like twist. Outta the ghetto of NB, and into your ears for your listening pleasure.

www.happytreefriends.com: This is our very own real life Itchy & Scratchy (ala The Simpsons)... It's a bunch of cute fuzzy cartoon animals that never fail to get mauled to pieces in various scenarios. Not for those who don't have the same sick and twisted sense of humor as I do.

This door was slammed shut, so where's the damn window?

Last night, I was fired from my waitressing job, for being 5 minutes late--3 days in a row. Now, as ironic as it is, they have a "call if you're going to be late" policy, but calling them doesn't seem to make being a mere five minutes late a lesser evil than it was without a call. But as I was warned by a couple people recently(incredibly enough, regulars who hear more gossip than I ever did as an employee) that there were people who wanted me gone, because they didn't like me. Well, I don't know who these people are, but they finally got their wish. After a year and a half of good service, and being someone they could always call on in a pinch, I got the shaft over five measely minutes. Sure, it's happened a few times, I'm usually there right at 5pm, by the skin of my teeth. But they always seemed to harass me if I wasn't clocked in directly at 5. (At the time station: "It's five-oh-ONE, Bri, why are you late?") Considering that when all 6-12 workers show up at 5pm, there is virtually NOONE in the restaurant. What is the big deal? There used to be employees that never got fired after being over 30 mins late on a weekly basis. The hypocrisy astounds me.
How can they do this to me, knowing full well I just got a new car, just moved into a new apartment, and can't go without the money? Whatever...I gave up on that place a while ago, but stuck around because I hadn't found a better job yet. They beat me to the punch, what can I say?
But supposedly this whole ordeal is an oppotunity for me to go elsewhere and make better money. I've actually been looking into other jobs for a month now, because I was frustrated with the utter ridiculousness of what I had to put up with for the money(or lack thereof). In the meantime, I guess I'm supposed to sit here on my broke ass and wait for people to call me back from places I've already applied and interviewed. Oh, here's my thumb.

Perfection: The Impossible Goal

I have come to realize recently that I am indeterrable perfectionist. In my daily life, I impose this unrealistic ideal upon not only myself, but everyone and everything around me. I feel guilty every time I catch myself in the act. My boyfriend, thankfully, will call me on it. And as reluctant as I am to accept it, I meditate on it and make more of an effort to quell this insatiable beast. To relax, I drink myself into not caring. It doesn't take much. I don't even need to be drunk. A mere two glasses of wine helps me keep the demons at bay.

Even when performing, something as trivial as karaoke, I am a taskmaster to intonation and style. I mean, if I don't feel I can sing to the best of my ability, I won't. When I screw up, the guilt of "not doing something the way I was supposed to" is practically unbearable.
I think it comes from, at least in part, from my Christian upbringing. The idea of trying to "set the example of Christ" was engrained in me. The process of sanctification, which is a Christian's effort towards living a more perfect life...conrolling our natural tendencies of "sin" or imperfection. While my parents deny this concept, I stand firm in my belief that the idea of "Christian living" denies one of their humanity... To feel freedom to live their life. Although Christ supposedly has forgiven me, I still have to work harder to do "right" so that God blesses me. So I am still working to shake off these feeling of guilt associated with my humanity.

I understand that there really is no reason to harbor these feelings, but continue to do so almost instinctually. Considering that I have been nurtured on these ideals my whole life until a few years ago, maybe you can see how the mindset is hard to break.
I have made enough progress to be tolerable, I assume, since I have my boyfriend and friends still around. Maybe there's hope for me yet?

:)

Some of My Favorite Poems

I felt like posting some the poems that I'm actually proud to call my own. Hope you like them, too!

"for Mathew" (9/3/03) by Brianne Alves

Take me with you
hand in hand
through the deepest
waters of your heart.
Draw me into
those whirlpool eyes,
jump in,
drown willingly,
seep into another
life filled with you.
Your spirit
my revivng breath
fills my lungs
eyes fly open
to the light
of your smile:
warm summer sands
soft, sweet coconut.
You call to me.
Words caress my ears,
entice me back
to life itself,
revived in you.

"The Rollercoaster" (11/7/03) by Brianne Alves

Hills and Dips
turbulent trips
the balance tips
back and forth
"Again!"
The child within
wants another spin,
knows not what's comin':
Ultimate thrills
giving me chills
unexpected spills
heart to my feet
hastening beat
heart and throat meet.
Someone hits the brakes,
just up and takes
the thing that makes
my world go 'round.
In stillness I found
the only sound
is a scream in my head:
what hasn't been said
though already read
between the lines.
So I pay the fines
hit some land mines
Get blown to bits
Take lots of fits,
and I'm sick of it!
Like porcelaine,
glue me again;
review where I've been,
and then...
get back on the ride,
though many times I've tried
to not get fried.
It's a greater ascension
with a longer suspension
before it bottoms out again.

"Self-Portrait" (1/4/04) by Brianne Alves

This
is who
I am.
The Ram:
Straight forward
out right
LOUD
first person.
I see, through
my own eyes,
the world
surrounding
my body,
connecting
to the energy.
I absorb
into my mind
through my senses;
all six of them.
My perspective:
unique
in formation,
a creation
of thought
and intuition,
splashes of emotion
tinged with sensations
and the dawning
of revelations--
everyday.
I evolve steadily
incorporating
pieces of the puzzle
"Wisdom."
I know
who I am
who I'm not.
Though I yearn
to be innocent
as I once was,
Change,
in the face
of Stagnance,
is not easy
but necessary.
Like the buried
seed breaks free
from the earth
to rise above,
so is my life
green with vitality
blooming pink
a tender blossom
breathing in
breathing out:
ALIVE.
This
is who
I am.

If Patience is a Virtue...

...Then I'm on the often frustrating road to becoming virtuous. Have you ever been involved in a long distance relationship? If so, then you can most definitely understand this whole situation. If not, then let me say this: I'd never wish this on anyone, unless, of course, you need a lesson of patience as I do. I am the stereotypically impetuous, impatient Aries. Patience has all too often been something completely lost on me. But no matter how difficult it may be, I admit that it's been quite a healthy one to learn.

My boyfriend, Mathew, and I have been together since last July. We met doing a local summer production of the Broadway musical Jekyll & Hyde. We had a whole month of romance and personal growth. It was "24-7" thing. But issue lay in his departure to his hometown near Cleveland, OH. Yes, Ohio: 600+ miles away. Whether flying or driving, it makes for a relatively strenuous and/or expensive relationship maintenance. But 14 months later, we are still working towards our goal of being together.

"How are you still doing this?" you ask? We see each other on a bi-monthly basis, taking turns visiting the other. Yes, we go 2 months at a time without physical intimacy. I still don't know how I survive. I'm not a fan of self-pleasure. It just doesn't work for me. I guess I'm just fussy. If it ain't Mathew, it ain't happening, you know?

"Then how the hell have you kept this thing going?"

One word: Communication. I know I've come a long way in this department. Even considering that in most of my previous relationships I've been the one promoting it, Mathew has shown me how much more there is to communication between partners. We've both had to explore and accept each others' pasts, as well as our own: what has shaped us into who we are today. He has challenged me, as I him, to delve into our present selves, trying to search ourselves and each other to achieve understanding. We share our hopes and fears of our future. Not many days go by without learning something new. It has kept a vital interest in, and consequent fidelity to, the other. Yet I know that there is still infinitely more to learn.

The precious time we have together is well spent between enjoying each other amongst our friends and family, who enrich our lives, and all-important "alone time." The funny thing is, the unresolved sexual tension is a key factor right now in our relationship. We don't get much time for intimacy, so the build up is enormous. It's like watching your favorite TV show or movie, when you know that two characters should, or will, become romantic. You can see the UST. It's so thick, you can cut it with a knife. And when they finally kiss for the first time, it's fireworks.
Our relationship is just like that. It's frustrating to be apart, but being together is still magical. And as cliche as it sounds, we make beautiful music together.

We're both singers, you see. We both are invigorated by each others' performances. It's a passion in life we share that will direct us in the life we will eventually experience side-by-side.

For any of you who are doing the long-distance thing like me: Endurance will be rewarded. Fidelity will ultimately create the unbreakable bond of Trust. True Love will prevail over all hardship. Hang in there.

Love you, MRod!

The Human Body in "Overdrive"

Everybody's had those "long days". We all use the expression. Some more so than others. Some more deservedly than others. Some use it in exaggeration, when they got out of bed at 1pm but "worked hard" from 4 to 10.

"Man, I've had a long day." (Yeah, OK, and I'm a cycloptic Oompa Loompa in a banana suit.)

Then there's people like a particular co-worker of mine. Se gets up at 5:30 am every day to go to her first job, leaves there, goes to a few classes at the university, then procedes to the restaurant to work till 10 or 11pm. Then goes home to wake up the next day and do it all over again. That's just insane. But at the end of the night, it all becomes clear.

"It's been a long day," she says with an enduring pleasantness. Her eyes give her away, beyond the mousy smile. She's doing it because she has to. Rock on, Waitress Girl.

Saturday, is thankfully the ONLY day of my week I have to call a long day. I teach private music lessons all morning/afternoon, then go to the restaurant for a 5pm Closing shift. So that one day runs me about 8:30am to at 2am (because after a 14-hr work day like that, you definitely make time for a good stiff drink afterward).
But last night I caught rare form. I came home around one, poured myself a class of wine, and sat down in the living room. It was like I'd drank five espresso shots. Neither my body or mind could relax. My roommate was passed out in her room, and I felt bad that I was up and laughing loudly at the TV, and at a friend's IM conversation. I was on virtual crack, I think. But it ended up with her and I watching Robin Hood: Prince of Theives until nearly 5 am.
I usually am out by 2 or 3 at the ultimate latest. But last night I went to bed GIDDY. It took a bit to settle into bed. I laughed at myself, at how ridiculous this energy level was. Finally my body and brain looked at their watches and said, "Oh Shit, we need to get some sleep, or we'll be paying for it tomorrow!"

Well, as I get ready for another day of serving people and getting paid(or not, sometimes) to slave over their lunches/dinners, I realize I am going to pay for the "Overdrive" I put myself in yesterday. Blech. Maybe today I'll keep it in 3rd gear, more like.

The Inherent Cruelty of Children's Games and the Social Consequences Thereof

Children: sweet, naive, honest children. The only difference between children and adults is that most adults know how hold their tongues. This practice is also known as "civility", but more commonly described as "two-faced". Children don't know how to merely "be nice" to other children, even if they don't like them. Kids can't make efforts towards peace. Diplomacy rarely exists naturally in the collective until the teenage years. So kids take sides, with no capability of rational thought, based purely on their "honest" emotions. The whole idea of taking sides is rampant in the games they play. Look at games like Red Rover. The whole point of the game is to leave one last person all by themselves to be made an example. The loser, the least liked, the alienated.
What about in gym class? Remember when they let the kids pick teams? There was always that one kid, usually the obese one who couldn't run fast, who got picked last. But even then, if the obese kid's friend is picking the team, he wouldn't be last. That last kid was "the loser", the one who didn't have many friends, or at least "popular" friends.
So you must be thinking, "She must have been that kid. Why else would she rant about such trivial things?"
Well, yes. I was that girl. The brains of the class, the annoying dorky girl that wore big plastic glasses since 2nd grade. Think Hermione Grainger (all ye Harry Potter fans), add a dash of Moaning Myrtle, but not quite as cute. I was doomed to be forever excluded from the social circle of my grade. Even if I loved and was good at baseball and kickball, even if I had all the answers on all the tests. Most of the time the closest thing I had to friends were the kids who tried to use me for test answers. They knew they had to suck up to me. They knew that if they threatened me, they'd get told on. They couldn't even beat me up, I was the tallest girl in the class. So I made friends another way: outcasts unite!
I had friends from all different walks of life. Roxanne, whose parents brought her up on Christian music, and bible studies. There was something we both shared: the ultimate brainwashing. I grew up Christian, too. And Bible Study is an automatic -100 points on the coolness scale, considering most of the kids were Catholic and church was barely in their vocabulary. So we'd play Nintendo and Barbie's, practice the violin together (yes I still play today and even teach it. -75 points.) I still keep in touch with her sporadically, as our parents are neighbors. We shared the love of music, and it was music that helped us shake off the brainwashing of our parents' religious ideals. I remember her and I listening to Aerosmith and STP when our parents weren't home. God forbid they heard what we 12-yr-olds were listening to! Roxy rocks.
Then I think of Lieu Thi Tieu and Busi Mtemunye. My elementary school was made up of snotty little brats borne from upper-middle class WASPs. Minorities didn't exist in that school, and barely at all in my town. So where did that leave young Vietnamese and South African girls? I remember, the two separate incidents of my meeting them. Both began with them by themselves in some remote spot on the playground at recess. All it takes is to care about others. They were both really nice girls. It was then that I began to realize that those popular kids weren't cool at all. They were total douchebags. They had no concept of humanity. They only knew their self-centered little existences, and that these girls were different from them. It was at the age of 8 that I began developing my sense of justice, of truth, and discernment. I know these girls (well, women, now) are still around, and I hope I encounter them again (it's been since High School).
Looking back on all this, I realized that I always had a small group of friends that I could actually trust. It was always evolving, as people changed, people moved away, but there were never hard feelings. All these people who have added beauty and understanding to my life, still pop up now and again. And the long-standing friendship is still there. As my social life has fractaled out of control, (believe it or not I've evolved into something considered "cool" without losing my integrity, it's called "being myself"), I have come to learn one thing. You can know alot of people, and get along with most if you know how to adapt to them. But your friends are the ones in whom you place trust, understanding, and unconditional love. They are in a class of their own.

This first rant is for all the cool people I've come to know and love, who have overcome the social torment of childhood loserdom. Rock on.

Bonjour, Hola, Tak, Da...Ciao!

How else could I start off my Blog, but with a quote from my favorite comedian: Eddie Izzard? All right, that was a rhetorical question. I can see it now, the numerous suggestions for a better introduction. Oh well, just put them in the suggestion box on your way out, and don't forget to grab a complimentary mint. You are most likely looking at this blog because I sent you the link. You have received an invitation into the erratic mind of Bri. I have always kept journals, and I thought that this is a more interesting way of speaking my mind. So drop me a line and lemme know you stopped by, and stay tuned for the show.

~Bri