Perfection: The Impossible Goal

I have come to realize recently that I am indeterrable perfectionist. In my daily life, I impose this unrealistic ideal upon not only myself, but everyone and everything around me. I feel guilty every time I catch myself in the act. My boyfriend, thankfully, will call me on it. And as reluctant as I am to accept it, I meditate on it and make more of an effort to quell this insatiable beast. To relax, I drink myself into not caring. It doesn't take much. I don't even need to be drunk. A mere two glasses of wine helps me keep the demons at bay.

Even when performing, something as trivial as karaoke, I am a taskmaster to intonation and style. I mean, if I don't feel I can sing to the best of my ability, I won't. When I screw up, the guilt of "not doing something the way I was supposed to" is practically unbearable.
I think it comes from, at least in part, from my Christian upbringing. The idea of trying to "set the example of Christ" was engrained in me. The process of sanctification, which is a Christian's effort towards living a more perfect life...conrolling our natural tendencies of "sin" or imperfection. While my parents deny this concept, I stand firm in my belief that the idea of "Christian living" denies one of their humanity... To feel freedom to live their life. Although Christ supposedly has forgiven me, I still have to work harder to do "right" so that God blesses me. So I am still working to shake off these feeling of guilt associated with my humanity.

I understand that there really is no reason to harbor these feelings, but continue to do so almost instinctually. Considering that I have been nurtured on these ideals my whole life until a few years ago, maybe you can see how the mindset is hard to break.
I have made enough progress to be tolerable, I assume, since I have my boyfriend and friends still around. Maybe there's hope for me yet?

:)