2005: New Beginnings

"This is the year."
So often heard upon a new year's arrival. Whatever it may be the year for, just fill in the blank. But for once,I truly believe that is the year for some big things in my life. This past year was one big build up, a year of switching gears. I am quitting smoking, finally, hopefully along with Mathew, Janelle and Mike. But most imporantly I am moving in with Mathew in March. This is a big first for me. I didn't even make it that far when I was engaged and broke it off two years ago. I definitely feel ready for it though. I am so excited for this new high point of my adult life thus far. I feel ready to tackle anything.

Standing Proud in Holiday Geekdom

Here is the holiday season once again upon us in all it's fervor. And I love it. Some times I wish Christmas wasn't just one month out of my year. It holds for me some of my fondest memories of people, places, smells, smiles and love. It has been the reason for my favorite music. I listen to it non-stop for the 4-5 weeks of the Christmas season. It invokes everything that is warm and happy inside me. So I will be proudly wearing my favorite Santa hat that I've had for about 4 or 5 years now. It's big, fluffy and beautiful and It makes me...jolly. Yes, I went there. Jolly. So sue me for not being a miserable person. It's like a disease nowadays. Being a Grinch/Scrooge (circle one). There's no need for it. Christmas is a time where love and giving, family and friends should be inspiring to us. Not a burden. I ask each and every one of you to open your hearts to what Christmas is about. Unconditional love. Just as God gave us His Gift in Love, we should give ours. Just as God gave us forgiveness, we should forgive and forget, and love instead.

May love surround you all this Christmas.

Love, Bri

Bri's Week (Or So) In Review

What a crazy few days I've just had. A real rollercoaster of emotions. Two weeks ago I made a rather big decision to agree to Mike, Janelle's boyfriend of four months, moving in with us. It was an emotionally tough decision to make. But so far, it hasn't been as uncomfortable as I thought. I am just praying for the next few months to go by quicker. Mathew is moving out here at the end of March. An plan that is months overdue from it's original conception. It's the one thing in my life that I am eagerly anticipating.
So last Saturday (the 13th), I went out to Cleveland to see him and to meet his identical twin, Dominick(sp?), who was just home from a two year stint in England with the Air Force. We had good times, and it was an extremely short 3 days. But good discussions and needed bonding always come of my time spent with Mathew. It was a good weekend, and Dom's a really cool guy. I'm glad I got to meet him. I'll have to hold these memories close until Mathew comes out here for Christmas (I went out there last year).
But of course everything great thing comes with an equal negative. I came home to a frazzled Janelle, who had a bit of a scraper with my car (a 2004 Corolla S). Although part of me really wanted to freak the fuck out, the rest of me knew that it would be unnecessarily detrimental to a friendship that hasn't quite fully healed from recent strains. I came up with a plan, and it worked. My car is going to get fixed after Thanksgiving.
But in the process of my plan, I ended up putting my own small dent in my rear bumper, thanks to a blinding morning sun, and a telephone pole behind my parking space. That's covered, too, thank God.
But so now I am back to work, or rather a plethora thereof. I offically hold four jobs. I think that qualifies me for workaholics anonymous. Thankfully it's all stuff I love to do; mostly teaching music.
Any, way so the other night me and my friends are hanging out, watching a movie. We were having a heartfelt discussion, when an arguement ensues. Being the "peacekeeper/problem-solver" type, I ended up as the mediator. Hurt and angry feelings left a sour taste in everyone's mouths, and now my friends from the opposing arguments won't hang out together. Why can't people see that there always two sides to the story, and that no one is ever 100% right or wrong? Now I merely refuse to discuss it at all on either side. It's not my problem anymore. I love the enlightening effect of my gray area.
And last, but not least, a little tid bit of good news: The UMass Latin Jazz Ensemble is now jamming on Tuesday Nights at my restaurant, Freestone's. I am happy to claim a hand in that, for Katie, Andy, Santi and all my friends who'll be playing. I hope it works out!!!
I encourage everyone to fill their lives with music.
Come Down and Get Some!!!

A Lesson In Math

2.66. That's how many dollars I was off in my calulations on my bank account. Thus costing me an additional $27 in overdrawn fees. GRRRRR! now I'm $30 short on my rent and it'll have to await resolution until next week. Thank GOD my land lord is really cool. I would have killed me by now, or at least verbally accosted. I have about had it with banks. But of course, it's ultimately because of my own poor accounting skills. Oh Well, I guess things could be worse...right? Now to get on top of this coming month's bills. They never stop coming. Siiiigh.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone Do It Again!

These two guys have the rudest, brashest, unbridled sense of humor on the face of the planet!
And I love it.
I recently went to see "Team America: World Police" with my friend, Katie. Coming from a political "gray area", I believe that both political parties have their good ideas and their really freakin' terrible ones. Parker and Stone have yet to miss the opportunity to make ANYONE look like a fool. Whether your a liberal, a conservative, or a terrorist. It's what they do: Exploit people's faults and idiosyncracies in the most obnoxious way possible. No one is perfect, and these two make that VERY clear.

Go F@&#ing see it. NOW.

And for those who missed the season premier of South Park last week: You missed out.
But I'll fill you in.
PETA comes to South Park (SP) and claims that having the "Cow" as their mascot is inhumane, and that it must be changed. So offered up are names like the Hurricanes, The Indians and the Redskins. The question of political correctness comes into play and is shot down with "PETA only cares about animals, they don't care about people."
So our boys come up with an idea: write-in votes. What do they pick and work to endorse?

A Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich.

Yes, my friends. And may I add it is all in parody of our recent election. Bloody Brilliant. Puff Daddy (excuse me, "P.Diddy"), in blazing hip-hop glory, busts out a "Vote or Die!" rap, and poor Stan represents the millions of apathetic citizens with "Why should I bother voting?"

Well, Stan learned something today. Every election for the last 30 years has been between a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich, and we should at least exercise our fundamental right, and vote for, what we may consider, the lesser of two evils. In his case, his vote was for the Turd Sandwich, even though the Giant Douche won by a landslide.

Let's just say this: On Election Day, we voted in the Turd Sandwich. Thanks Stan.

In the "Spirit" of the day

I did some more quizzes trying to get ideas for a costume. here's a couple results:
Your anime hair color is pink.


What is your anime hair color?
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Shh...everything must be quiet around you,
secretive one. What customs are you doing now?
Your strange ways may cause you to be some kind
of an outcast, but you don't mind that. The
things from the 'other side' fascinate you.
Sounds good. Who knows why you took this quiz?
Happy Halloween, O Powerful One.


What Halloween Figure Are You? (MANY RESULTS WITH SIX ALL NEW ONES!!)
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The Best Laid Plans

It's general wisdom to know and understand that life is never going to go according to plan. One never expects the worst, and then is surprised when it actually happens. A control freak such as myself would never imagine that, even after taking a hundred precautions, that things could still end up being shitty. I have a ledger for a budget that became useless for the three weeks or so that I was unemployed. The bills continued to pile up. My attitude toward the situation became one of defiance.
"I'm not broke. I'll have the money in no time."
Now after three weeks of employment, let me rephrase that.
"I'll have the money AT no time."
At least I'm finally able to pay my car bill and insurance. But next week I'm off to pay my cell and my half of the rent.
With the Red Sox on fire (FI-YAH) the past couple weeks, I thought I'd get fired up, too. All that "fire" burnt a big hole in my already waning pockets, then smoldered through my cloak of sanity. I like to drink. But, I don't necessarily like being drunk. I like feeling uninhibited, but not undone. Every time I lose control, which in the last few months hasn't been as often as in the past, I promise myself to not let it happen again. But a couple weeks go by and then I'm on another rampage.
My aim for my life in the last 7 years has been a general idea of "Balance". Sometimes I feel like I'm so close to achieving it, then I meander away from that path. Whether it be by drinking or failing a class, losing my job or ending a relationship, I have ended up falling short of my set goals along the walk of life. I always end up setting myself back, or ending up in an unexpected/difficult position.
How do I take control of this tendency to fall off track? Maybe it's not matter of control, but of will? In that case, how do I maintain, or even find, the will that has not been so readily available as of late? How do I shake the nagging self-criticism and truly believe in my personal power? How can I improve my diminished self-image? I wish there was some easy way. But I know there is no magic cure for years of mental and physical self-abuse. All I can do is start all over, and again try to not let everything fall apart.